Polyamory is
NOT
Just about having or wanting many, loving relationships
-almost- ALL people want this and have this. Just because they “only” have one (or no) romantic relationships doesn’t mean they don’t have multiple, loving NON romantic relationships. Please avoid appearing like you believe you’re the only one with “too much love” to give to only one person. Or the only one with multiple, loving relationships. Friendships, familial, those all count, too. We all have enough love for many, should we choose to give it.
Monogamy is
NOT
Just about wanting real commitment.
Genuine commitment is not solely claimed by monogamous relationships. Yes, there are some who don’t want commitment with anyone. These people exist. However, they appear to be a minority. Also, many have “real” commitments that don’t look the way you think commitments ought to look. That doesn’t make them any less of commitments. So just stop saying this, please. No, monogamy is not about commitment. Anymore than any other relationship.
Non hierarchical polyamory is
NOT
Letting relationships develop organically without undue influence from external sources.
-almost- ALL healthy relationships allow all relationships to develop as such, whether they involve hierarchy or not. Just because someone has a primary doesn’t mean they can control who/how/when their partner dates. With the exception of certain relationships that embrace hierarchy and high protocols that willingly dictate how and when their partners/submissives/etc can have relationships and how those relationships function. Make no mistake, this is high risk and only works if all are truly consenting to this. Do so at your own risk, of course.
Kitchen table polyamory is
NOT
Just people being able to drop by to their partner’s house while their metamour is home
Seriously, how many women (in particular, but also any gender, really) do you know that are cool with being the side piece who is only allowed to interact/communicate with their partner IF their partner’s other partners/friends/etc aren’t around? Checking in to make sure they aren’t seen entering their partner’s home? Having to pretend they are “just” a friend, if their partner’s other partner is around?
-almost- Everyone expects that their metamours are aware of their existence. They expect said partners to be civil to them as another romantic partner of their shared partner, if they ever find themselves all in the same location. Please don’t imply that your particular form of polyamory has sole claim on the ability to hang out around each other. I may be more involved with my partner’s partners than most. But that doesn’t mean I’m unique in that I can stand in the presence of a metamour without lying about my relationship with our shared partner.
I feel there may be others I add, but these are some of my pet peeves. Thanks for listening!