five or six stories running through my head on a loop, the

I’m watching the new, and final, season of Bojack Horseman. 

Normally I skip right past the intro, but I can’t locate the Amazon Fire remote.  So I’m stuck watching the intro animation. Oh,well. And as I’m lazily watching, and half searching for the remote, something catches my attention. 

It’s not a throwaway. The intro. It’s a part of the story. A glimpse into his mind. The show is fantastic; there’s always something new that I observe from each watching. But this time, it’s the introduction that’s caught my attention.

It’s the five or six stories running through his head, on a loop. 

The old introduction was him mindlessly wandering through his life. Parties, a messy house, etc. The new introduction? It’s all the people he’s impacted in his life. There’s his story with Sara Lynn; his old boss, Herb; his ex-girlfriend that he nearly strangled; etc.  And it’s as if all these people are on his mind, in an endless loop.

I have my own rotation.  Mine are trying to be a good daughter; my ongoing struggle with my ex metamour and its affect on my munchkins, my partner; balancing my “personal” life with my “outside” life, with my girlfriend, partner, friends, play partners; building my business;  building my creative outlets and sharing them with the world…

That’s what I’m thinking about.  All the time.  I don’t juggle partners; I juggle my whole life.  Or rather I transition- sometimes smoothly, sometimes more abruptly- between stories.  Sometimes my stories overlap.  Sometimes one gets greedy and demands more of my time and attention, ignoring the fact that the other stories in my life need me, too. These are the five or six stories on my mind.

Perhaps I’m overthinking this, but it’s still a nice story.

With every repetition of the introduction, I’m reminded of what stays with him, every second of every day.  Something makes me believe he’s not haunted by those thoughts, but rather, these are the stories he’s trying to resolve.  That he’s acknowledging in an effort to be…better.

Those stories, all running through my mind at the same time, can be distracting. I’ll often lose myself in thought, even when I’m standing right by you— and it’s because of those stories, looping and never stopping.  And I can’t stop it.  I want to give myself a break, just for a little bit.  But I can’t.  Because minds work in funny ways.  They follow me into my sleep.  The first thought when my mind wakes, unless I’m temporarily distracted by a more fun wake up.   

I apologize if I am not present with you, because of the distraction of those shifting stories. 

It’s just, I can’t ever quite put them off to the side. They’re always in my head. One or the other of them. And the smallest phrase can trigger a story back to the forefront of my mind. I don’t ever let them go, either, although that would free up emotional space to take on a different, new storyline. But I’ve got to take care of these, first.

I’ll simply have to be patient and get my current tasks accomplished. Then maybe my mind will once again be a clean slate. Or maybe I’ll simply take on another story.

It’s funny how the mind works.

I wonder, too, just how many others think this way. Five or six stories running through their head on a loop.

Anyway, I just wanted to share!

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