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Master, crawls into bed. Me (as I’m scrolling through pages of dishware): Maybe we should get new dishes for our new apartment. Him: I think we have plenty. Me (keeps scrolling): ….. Me: …and don’t say , “You’re turning into your mother.” Him: I don’t have to. Me: Good…cause I said it for you.

“Why don’t you just trust me?” Ah, why not? What’s the worst that could happen, right? But you are asking a paranoid, hedonistic kitten. You don’t want to know where her mind immediately is drawn towards, but it likely involves her untimely and unnecessarily graphic death. “But I just wanted you to come over and

This is a creative piece, speaking as best I can for another as a therapeutic exercise. hello, i asked you to go away today, because I love you i didn’t want to see you today, because I love you i collapsed in tears after you spoke to me, because I love you i suppose this

If you seduce me under false pretenses, Tell me sweet nothings Hold me through the night Whisper, I love you Play games with me (but only the fun kind) Spend time with me, walk with me And then, after two weeks, three months, or ten years, to jump out from behind your mask, shouting, “Hah,

Food. Sex. Sleep. We all have our basic needs in our own Maslow’s pyramids. Mine happen to be food, sex, and sleep. In that order. If you try to have intimate relations with me, without properly satisfying my first requirement, prepare for the kitty to meowl at you. But I don’t know what to get

Everyone has their ‘peak,” physically speaking. For some of us, it’s very early. Almost too early. Pedophiles and creepy older dudes hitting on us. Anyone, after all, who wants us when we are 10, 12, is either another stumbling ten year old or a creep. I wouldn’t know, I didn’t bloom until much later…but I

Thank you for inviting me to your special day. That being said, don’t ever. ever, ever do it again. My life is not a fucking Taylor Swift song. So let’s drop the bullshit, please. Why did you ask me along today? Why did you want us in the same room? I didn’t want to be

Sometimes I’m good at instinctively knowing what people want, but it’s not always that simple to delve into a person’s true self. more often I find out. By talking to them, by listening to them, by spending years with them. I like doing this for people. It makes me feel like I have a purpose, like a practical guardian angel.

Someone told me that my partner (I suppose they thought I could only have one, or perhaps it was a “general” partner, as in the “general” you) needed to be my biggest cheerleader. I appreciated the thought, while immediately dismissing it as not relevant to my own situation. “I don’t need a cheerleader,” I told