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i don’t pity unicorn hunters

I have a brief history of the term “unicorns.”  This is a larger scale complaint. The truth is, unicorn hunting extends far beyond monogamous-couples-opening-up-to-find-the-perfect-amiable-bi-girlfriend-with-no-expectations-and-desires-of-their-own. Unicorns exist beyond polyamory, doncha know?

I don’t care which unicorn you are going after.  

Could be the mythical, impossible bi girl that is equally into you and your primary partner— as well as a million other requirements— but also have no say and do whatever you want and never be important to you/be equally important to you from Day One.  

Could be the master who thinks the submissive is going to fully submit to him from the first virtual contact.  And never, ever question him.  And just generally be that “perfect subby sub.”  Oh, of course the first woman he messages will be that woman.  Heaven forbid he has to message SEVERAL women. 

Could be the woman who wants the perfect Daddy Dom who is mature, experienced, loving, and completely single with no kids after having lived a full and successful life.  Just sitting around waiting for her, I guess. Expects him to fall in her lap after flashing her…assets. Perhaps even pay her for the privilege of her company.

You can want anything you like. 

But if you are in search of a unicorn (rare or non existent), it’s not the society’s/the kink community’s/anyone else’s fault that you can’t find said unicorn.  Please, don’t complain to the rest of us about your first world struggles to find a romantic partner that doesn’t exist/barely exists.  (I’m sorry for the people who are unnecessarily mean to you about it, but they kind of have a point.)

You’re playing the lottery when it comes to this style of dating.  Don’t be surprised when you aren’t one of the winners.  

Got it?  Great.  Glad we cleared that up!

Photo by Artem Beliaikin from Pexels

top 8 places to find a unicorn!

  1. Amazon Prime (comes in under two days)
  2. The Bi Girlfriend Store (10% off if you purchase two or more, does not come with any bi girlfriend feed)
  3. One of the many caves under Stephen Colbert’s old C-shaped desk
  4. Far, far away from Donald Trump’s tiny pussy grabbing hands
  5. My bedroom, neatly packed away in my drawer of lingerie and sex toys (must be flexible)
  6. Pokemon Go!
  7. Starbucks Secret Menu Item (warning, only sell vegan bi girlfriends)
  8. Paris, the city of love! (At least that’s where you can find me!  Or should find me…um, excuse me while I go check on my airline miles…)