People say a lot of things. They say, er, some say, resentment is drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. I’ve gotta listen to that one. I don’t want to drink poison. I just want to feel whole and good. I need to stop the following: Donating space in my head to toxic narcissists. Convincing …
Toxic positivity. Freaking everywhere. I don’t even know where to begin to handle the problem. I hear a lot of people say, “If I did let my relationship become non monogamous, my partner would leave me.” A lot of people will tell them, “No, no that’s not what ENM is about! That’s not what will …
Perhaps that is true. It is rather a sad reflection on humanity to think that it’s considered acceptable to take a gift, but never give back. But such is the way of life sometimes. For me, every time I take a gift, I am also taking on a small debt. Not tit for tat. But …
“a gift isn’t really a gift if you expect one in return.” Read More »
Sure, why not? It seems like an easy enough thing. People think you can pick up submissives- or even dominants- like picking up ice cream from the convenience store. You can just have a submissive or a dom(me). Just scan through the ads. I’ve seen the ads (and, yes, they came from doms and subs …
Jealousy: a word that provokes a tidal wave of emotion Some people will say that jealousy isn’t “real,” but typically what they mean by that is that jealousy is not a thing in and of itself, but a sign of something else. Jealousy is a manifestation of insecurity, fear, anger, etc. What they don’t always …
“Why not just give [polyamory] a try?” some ask. “What can it hurt?” But it isn’t that simple. Some simply do not desire more romance in their lives– and there is a greater reason, I think, beyond that. It’s terrifying. I read a play called A Doll’s House when I was in college. It made a lasting …
The funny little ways we perceive love and ourselves. I grew up around Mormons, which meant I was familiar with polygamy from a young age. It was old fashioned, of course, and outdated. Still, everyone knew it happened. I did believe in equality; if a man could have multiple wives, women ought to have the …
morality of monogamy, polygamy, and relationship anarchy, the Read More »
Suffocating, feels like I can’t breathe Can’t speak The problem, of course, is that toxic positivity is POSITIVE She feigns concern for her children, “They should have heat when it’s cold.” The problem it isn’t that it’s cold. My own mother gently chided me when I complained, “Good thing you lost heat when you didn’t …
breathing through the weight of toxic positivity Read More »
When you discover a new term for something… A while back, I’m speaking with a fifty-ish woman, sparkling silver scarf wrapped round her neck. She’s a little shy, but attempting to open herself to connections. Somewhat new-ish to kink and very much brand new to polyamory (yes, some of the conversation is embellished for the …
There’s a story about the North Wind, the Sun, and a Man in a Coat. The man is the object which the Cloud and Sun are attempting to manipulate the Man to remove his Coat. The North Wind blows and blows but the Man only pulls his Coat closer round himself. The Sun gently smiles …
the sun, the north wind, and the man in the coat Read More »